Cherry Lucas asks a tough question today on the Danny Post page on the Words Press. “Should I learn CSS?” she asks. I’m glad you asked me, dear, because this is a serious issue which should not be taken lightly.
CSS, or Chinese Surface-to-Surface missiles are a very real, and very dire threat to the American public. You see, with the aid of Ratzi scientists in the 60s, the Red Menace’s little brother was able to develop the Dongfeng missile series as a delivery method for their nuke-u-lar payloads.
Now, don’t be like I was when Four Eyes McGill explained it to me. Just because them Chinese fellas put the word Dong on their missiles don’t mean they’re kiddin’ around. Well, maybe with the first CSS series they were, Limp Dongs we called ’em. Reason’s fairly obvious, I think. It was on account of they didn’t work out to well, an’ there wasn’t any little blue pills around to fix ’em. I imagine the Chinese mighta tried rubbin’ some oysters on their rockets, but I doubt that did much good either.
Anyway, the most important thing you can learn about CSS is how to diffuse ’em. Best man I ever knew at diffusin’ a nuke-u-lar situation was Bombay Buck Chesterfield. Called him Bombay ’cause one time he got sent to the kitchen on peelin’ duty for shipping a CO’s cover off to India in a hamburger bun stuffed in a box full of shelled peanuts.
Bombay Buck told me the best way to tear down a CSS was with some kind of whirligig contraption he made. Some kind of knife that a guy in the Swiss Army showed him how to make just before the Big One. That’s WWII. This whirligig of Bombay Buck had just about everything you could imagine tucked into it. Ol’ Bombay called it “Bouncin’ Baby Buck” on account of it weighed about 7 pounds, 3 ounces.
So get yourself a bouncin’ baby Buck from ol’ buddy Bombay Chesterfield and you’ll learn everything you’ll ever need to know about CSS.