Reminds me of the carpet Althea used to decorate our dining room ’round about ’67. That’s 1967 to all you time travellers out there. Don’t think I don’t know you’re out there watchin’ me, wonderin’ when I’m gonna slip up and reveal the secret code that we used to destroy the Ratzi bunker underneath Iwo Jima.
Funny thing about Iwo Jima, that I bet you whipper-snippersnaps didn’t know, is that it was actually named after my old buddy Iowa Jim.
See, Iowa Jim found himself on a rock and a hard place about 2 days before the first bombs started going off in Kansas. Must’ve been about ’43, maybe ’53. I can’t remember. Anyway, it was pretty clear that without a decent supply of rutabagas we weren’t going to make it through the winter.
So there’s me, Iowa Jim, and Skeeter McGrip–No, wait. Skeeter McGrip didn’t join the crew until the Blue Mist Cheeseburger Parade– so It must’ve been Ted Albacore that was with us that day.
Yeah, that’s right. Ted had his new Lunar Goggles he had picked up outta the Mad Magazine his nephew had picked up at the Pick ‘n Chews. Couldn’t see the goddamn moon with those things even on a clear night. I blamed the butter dish Ted used to keep under his hat to ward off the bees. But Ted just thought the moon was supposed to be blurry like that.
So are you gonna serve me my coffee, now, or do I have to go over there and brew it my damn self?
$2.50? Hell with that. I’ll get some Folgers at the corner store on the way home.
$2.50 for a coffee. What the hell is wrong with this country?