I like this banner.

Reminds me of the carpet Althea used to decorate our dining room ’round about ’67. That’s 1967 to all you time travellers out there. Don’t think I don’t know you’re out there watchin’ me, wonderin’ when I’m gonna slip up and reveal the secret code that we used to destroy the Ratzi bunker underneath Iwo Jima.

Funny thing about Iwo Jima, that I bet you whipper-snippersnaps didn’t know, is that it was actually named after my old buddy Iowa Jim.

See, Iowa Jim found himself on a rock and a hard place about 2 days before the first bombs started going off in Kansas. Must’ve been about ’43, maybe ’53. I can’t remember. Anyway, it was pretty clear that without a decent supply of rutabagas we weren’t going to make it through the winter.

So there’s me, Iowa Jim, and Skeeter McGrip–No, wait. Skeeter McGrip didn’t join the crew until the Blue Mist Cheeseburger Parade– so It must’ve been Ted Albacore that was with us that day.

Yeah, that’s right. Ted had his new Lunar Goggles he had picked up outta the Mad Magazine his nephew had picked up at the Pick ‘n Chews. Couldn’t see the goddamn moon with those things even on a clear night. I blamed the butter dish Ted used to keep under his hat to ward off the bees. But Ted just thought the moon was supposed to be blurry like that.

So are you gonna serve me my coffee, now, or do I have to go over there and brew it my damn self?

$2.50?  Hell with that.  I’ll get some Folgers at the corner store on the way home.

$2.50 for a coffee.  What the hell is wrong with this country?


2 thoughts on “I like this banner.

    1. Same reason you don’t see toys made out of wood and tin. The country’s gone to Hell. I just spent the last four hours personally cleaning the clocks of a couple dozen Ratzi Aliens off a dirt mound next to a goddamn train station. You think any decent, hard working, store owner would is gonna set up shop next to that nonsense? Can’t see it.

      Can’t see it at all.

      I’ll tell you what, though, if you were any kinda gentleman, you’d pass it to me, so I could get a closer look. It’s not that I need glasses, I just don’t see’s good as I used to, on account of the commies spraying Butterfly Whooping Gas over friendly forces in the Battle of Lamb Chop Bay. Lost a lot of good men that day. Lotta good men.

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